The Beginning of Understanding
Since childhood, Pawan knew something was different. While he understood himself to be a guy, the actual confusion began during puberty—that transformative time when peers were developing attractions to the opposite gender. For Pawan, however, the attraction was toward the same gender: females.
"I had enough sense that I should keep quiet about it," Pawan recalls. "It wasn't common, and I had never heard of anything like it. That was my moment of utter confusion."
In his early years, Pawan did not have access to information or the Internet, so he navigated these feelings in isolation. It wasn't until college that the discomfort intensified into something impossible to ignore.
"I hated seeing myself in the mirror. I hated the way I looked. I hated the way my voice sounded," he shares. "I knew something was different about me that didn't seem to be the case with others around me."
Discovery and Hesitation
When Pawan finally gained internet access during engineering school, he began researching his feelings. That's when he discovered the term "transgender." But this term carried heavy baggage in India, particularly in the conservative state of Rajasthan.
"My initial thoughts about the term 'transgender' were likely the same as every Indian's," Pawan explains. "We immediately think of people at traffic signals or begging on trains. I didn't want to be associated with my body, but I also didn't want to be associated with that perception of transgender people."
This cultural association created an additional barrier to self-acceptance—one that many parents and society at large still struggle to understand.
The Parenting Journey: From Denial to Embrace
What makes Pawan's story particularly moving is the evolution of his relationship with his parents. Despite growing up without significant financial resources, Pawan describes his upbringing as the best he could have imagined, placing his parents "next to God" for their sacrifices.
Out of deep respect for them, Pawan made an extraordinary decision: he would not transition without their support. This choice led to nearly a decade of waiting, conversations, and heartache.
"The most difficult situation throughout this journey was waiting for my parents' approval," he shares. "It was my love and respect for them that made me decide not to proceed with my transition without their support—support which had me wait eight or nine years."
The turning point came through a psychiatrist who agreed to speak with Pawan's mother about gender transition. After a 45-minute conversation that Pawan was too nervous to attend, his mother emerged with transformed understanding.
"When my mom came out, she said, 'Okay, when do you want to start with your transition?'" Pawan recalls. "Words couldn't come out of my mouth. This was the most pivotal moment of my entire transition journey."
"More than my parents, more than my siblings, it was society that was wholeheartedly accepting of who I am," Pawan notes. "Even if they don't understand it completely, they are very respectful. They know I go by the name Pawan and use he/him pronouns."
Today, Pawan's parents proudly introduce him as their son to everyone they meet—a simple act that carries profound meaning.
Moving Forward Together
For parents navigating similar situations, Pawan offers this wisdom:
Communication must be adapted to the listener.
"Please don't be disheartened if your parents don't understand your identity in the first conversation," Pawan advises. "Trust me, most parents are trying to understand, but because this is a foreign concept to them, they need time. It's your responsibility to allow them that time while continuing these conversations."
"My team for a very long time did not know I was trans," he shares. "When I came out to them, they said, 'We have always seen you as a great people leader. You coming out doesn't change how we see you.' This is what I want throughout my career."
The Heart of the Matter
In today's rapidly changing social landscape, Pawan's story reminds us of what remains constant: the human need for connection, understanding, and belonging. Parents who embrace their children's authentic selves aren't abandoning traditional values—they're embracing the most traditional value of all: unconditional love.
"It's a beautiful feeling to be in the same place, with the same people, but in a completely different manner," Pawan reflects. "I wouldn't trade this experience for anything in the world."
This blog post is based on a real-life journey but has been modified to protect privacy. The message, however, remains universal: love transcends labels, and understanding takes time but is always worth the effort.
